By GG

Reporting from the Greensea Ferry Terminal

Island residents boarding the 7:05 am ferry on Tuesday were greeted by a hand-painted sign suspended high between two thin pines near the ferry terminal entrance.

The sign read:

FERRY’S THAT WAY. DON’T LET THE ISLAND CONVINCE YOU IT NEEDS YOU.

The banner immediately sparked scores of text messages, unnecessary concern, and at least three unscheduled committee meetings.

Mayor Nickerbottom’s office released a statement shortly after 8 am.

“We have no knowledge of who erected the sign,” the statement read. “Furthermore, no permits were sought or obtained. A sign of this nature would not have been approved.”

The city’s Sign Removal Team was dispatched to the scene. Readers may recognize this department as the dedicated public servants responsible for confiscating unauthorized sandwich boards and relocating them to the municipal storage facility known unofficially as Sandwich Board Jail.

Unfortunately, the team was unable to reach the sign.

“It turns out ladders only go so high,” said one city employee while looking upward.

Bob’s Tree Trim has been contacted regarding removal. However, after last week’s windstorm scattered limbs across Greensea, company representatives confirmed the sign currently ranks behind approximately forty-seven broken branches, three leaning pines, and whatever happened to the Hendersons’ gazebo.

This leaves several unanswered questions.

First, who was awake to hang the sign between the arrival of the 2:30 am ferry and the departure of the 4:45 am sailing?

Second, who owns a ladder tall enough to hang a banner between two of Greensea’s signature thin pines?

Third, and perhaps most troubling, who is the sign referring to—tourists or California transplants?

Several island residents were observed stopping to photograph the sign before boarding the ferry. Thomas Willows said, “Every islander laments tourists from time to time especially when we can’t get a seat at Codmother’s or Seas the Scoop runs out of Chip! I Missed the Ferry. But putting up a sign like this is next level.”

Another resident, speaking on condition of anonymity because she currently chairs three committees and co-chairs two others, said, “I was on my way to Seattle for a medical appointment, and I almost turned around and canceled. What if I’m needed to help out while I’m gone?”

Meanwhile, Mayor Nickerbottom has announced an initiative to redirect public attention. Beginning tomorrow, local muralists will cover nearby sidewalks with chalk art depicting ferry boats, geoducks, and inspirational island sayings.

“The goal,” the mayor explained, “is to encourage ferry riders to look down.”

Whether that strategy succeeds remains unclear. As of publication, everyone continues to look up.